After a week of walking and mindful eating, I have gained no less than 5 lbs. Yes! How can that be? Well, for me it’s not so unusual. When I do something good for my body, my body freaks out in the most unfortunate way. Sometimes it’s a weight gain, other times it’s random swelling or headaches. It’s frustrating as hell to be doing something right, and have it backfire on you, but in the end I know it’s gotta be the right thing to do. I mean, I can’t go through life continuing to do the wrong thing. It’s going to catch up with me (if it hasn’t already). It has to. So, I stumble along and hope that at some point, I will begin to see the rewards.
Today, that meant forcing myself to walk out the door when all I really wanted to do was call in sick and go back to bed. Instead, I jammed my feet into my walking shoes and took off. I can’t tell you that my walk was an easy one. The entire time that little voice in my head was complaining about my pulled back muscle, about the lack of sleep and that there are a million other things I could be doing, but I forced myself to finish.
How do I feel now? I feel good that I finished, but I still feel this overwhelming sense of failure. There’s no logic to it, and if I spend too much time thinking about it it would totally bring me down. Mostly it has to do with the pulled muscle in my back, it’s a painful reminder of how screwed up my body is and its constant nagging is driving me crazy.
It also has to do with the fact that I forgot my breakfast at home.
Tomorrow will be better.