A Long and Narrow Road

Here, the struggle begins, one step at a time.

Detour

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Yesterday, when I hit 1.5 miles while walking, I made a deal with myself.

I told myself yesterday that if I walked 2 miles, instead of my normal 1.5, that I could skip my walk TODAY and treat myself to a sugar free Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Ugh.

Did I really do that? Reward myself with food after only 4 days into my new “try to be aware and not be a loser” program?

Yes. I drove to the coffee shop, I picked up my latte and headed back to the car and then felt incredibly, ENORMOUSLY, guilty. Because it hit me. I rewarded myself with food and even if it was sugar free and all, I still did exactly what I set out NOT to do.

So, I locked up my stuff, grabbed my heavenly drink (it really was heavenly) and started to walk. I picked a direction and took off. Granted, my walk was not as far as I’ve been doing and after hearing some voices in the wash where really, no voices should have been, I cut it a little short and turned around. All in all, it was a little over a mile.

I wasn’t dressed appropriately and now my hair is a frizzy mess but I feel as if I did something for that latte and don’t feel like a total loser, which is how I felt when I first wrapped my  hand around it.

This little experience of mine is proof that I have a lot to work on.  I have a very active family. We are always out and about. I work long days and get very little sleep so in my head, I just don’t have time for any of this. Heck, I’ve convinced myself that I don’t.

It’s going to take awhile to shift my way of thinking because I have been making excuses for so long. Right now, my goal is to make better choices. Baby steps. Doable, right? I think so, too.

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